We care so much about what others will think of us. Their opinions about how we look, what we do, the choices we make and the ones that we don’t matters the world to us. So much so that it is safe to say that ‘we live in the minds of other people.’
Though, this is not our fault. From the time we were born, we have been conditioned to abide by the expectations that the world has about us instead of being guided by our own interests, passion, nature and expectations. As a result we do so many things that make us awkward, unauthentic, unhappy, and embarrassed; hampers our confidence, self-esteem, value system; and goes against our core self-
· Apply beauty filters on social media to fit into other people’s definition of ‘good looks’
· Don’t cry despite being hurt and broken
· Behave politely at places which makes our head reel
· Speak in an appropriate manner to stop being judged by others
· Wear as per trend to fit into the crowd
The list goes on!
But is it really worth it? Is it really our business to think what others think of us? Or are we overstepping the boundary?
It’s time to hit the pause button and stop caring about what others think of you. That is clearly their business, not yours. Your business is to align yourself with your core values and purpose and do your best job. After that, you are free to leave the opinions of others to themselves.
Though easier said than done, here are a few time-tested ways to shift your mindset and be in a happier, more peaceful space.
5 powerful methods to stop thinking what others will think
What they think of you is none of your business
What others think of you is a thought in their head. Neither have you created it, nor can you do anything about it. You have no control on their opinions and their opinions of you. Then why bother? Wouldn’t it be better to focus on what you can control- your own task, action, thoughts and feelings?
It doesn’t matter what others think about the dress you were wearing at the party till you knew that you dressed up in good taste. It doesn’t matter what they think about your achievement until you can justify yourself about the hard work that went into it.
Think about what you think about yourselves, not about what they think of you.
Hurt people hurt people
People might judge you because they have been judged. They might raise a finger on your intention because someone raised a finger on theirs. They might think that you are not strong enough because they were called weak at some point. Many times, their opinions about you have nothing to do with you but with their own past experiences. Their thoughts are just a reflection of what they have been through and does not indicate your problems and failures.
When you can identify that you are being hurt by someone who has been hurt, stop operating from self-pity and start operating from a space of compassion.
Know what you stand for
We, at our core, are made up of a value system. I might value truth, love and freedom above everything else. For you, the top-most values might be compassion, family and connection. Once we know what we stand for, it becomes easier for us to take relevant decisions and stand by them without caring for other people’s opinion.
For example, I do not like to manipulate. Being truthful about a certain situation is the most important thing for me as I value truth. So, I say what has to be said even if it hurts someone. And when it does, people call me insensitive, stone-hearted and so-on.
This used to hurt me earlier and I really used to try to please everyone in the process, only to fail miserably. Now, after knowing that my decision to be truthful is backed by my values, it is easier to live with these opinions.
Change just one thought
By allowing the opinions of others to hurt you or make you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable or less likeable, you are giving them the power to control your feelings. But in truth, your feelings are your own. You are making them up by reacting to a certain situation.
Suppose, you brought a brand new purple dress that you were very happy about. Just then, a friend came in and remarked that ‘you look beautiful in red’. You thought – ‘She means that this purple dress is not good. I will not look good in it. Why can’t I look good in all colours?” You became sad.
Was your sadness your friend’s doing? Or you gave her the power to influence your feelings?
All you really needed to do was to control that one thought and things would be different. Practising mindfulness can do wonders here and help you breach the chain of thought and bring your focus back on where it is needed. On more on how to be mindful, click ________
Signing off with this beautiful phrase and hoping that this article will help you to become more confident in your own skin and stop thinking of what others will think about you.
Caring about what people think of you is useless. Most people don’t even know what they think of themselves.